Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Compare and Complaint

Joined a praise and worship session led by Heartbeat, a band newly formed by my BJ friends. The session triggered me to think how easily I get frustrated from time to time. It could be about anything – matters as trivial as meeting an impolite taxi driver and as serious as unable to get things done in the way you want.

The most serious frustrations is from comparison. Sometimes I feel disgruntled, asking why other people are living far better off while I work for long hours a day. Why some people live in a big house while I can only rent a tiny apartment? Where is justice and fairness? Why can't I find a right job and have a good wife?

The band read out a story which creation is based on Psalms 73.

Here are Psalms 73 – from the Message. (Note: The Message tries to explain the content of the Bible through vivid examples of daily life experience. But it is NOT an official Bible. For traditional version, please go to http://www.o-bible.com/cgibin/ob.cgi?version=kjv&book=psa&chapter=73)
Psalm 73
An Asaph Psalm

1-5 No doubt about it! God is good— good to good people, good to the good-hearted.
But I nearly missed it,
missed seeing his goodness.
I was looking the other way,
looking up to the people
At the top,
envying the wicked who have it made,
Who have nothing to worry about,
not a care in the whole wide world.

6-10 Pretentious with arrogance,
they wear the latest fashions in violence,
Pampered and overfed,
decked out in silk bows of silliness.
They jeer, using words to kill;
they bully their way with words.
They're full of hot air,
loudmouths disturbing the peace.
People actually listen to them—can you believe it?
Like thirsty puppies, they lap up their words.

11-14 What's going on here? Is God out to lunch?
Nobody's tending the store.
The wicked get by with everything;
they have it made, piling up riches.
I've been stupid to play by the rules;
what has it gotten me?
A long run of bad luck, that's what—
a slap in the face every time I walk out the door.

15-20 If I'd have given in and talked like this,
I would have betrayed your dear children.
Still, when I tried to figure it out,
all I got was a splitting headache . . .
Until I entered the sanctuary of God.
Then I saw the whole picture:
The slippery road you've put them on,
with a final crash in a ditch of delusions.
In the blink of an eye, disaster!
A blind curve in the dark, and—nightmare!
We wake up and rub our eyes....Nothing.
There's nothing to them. And there never was.

21-24 When I was beleaguered and bitter,
totally consumed by envy,
I was totally ignorant, a dumb ox
in your very presence.
I'm still in your presence,
but you've taken my hand.
You wisely and tenderly lead me,
and then you bless me.

25-28 You're all I want in heaven!
You're all I want on earth!
When my skin sags and my bones get brittle,
God is rock-firm and faithful.
Look! Those who left you are falling apart!
Deserters, they'll never be heard from again.
But I'm in the very presence of God—
oh, how refreshing it is!
I've made Lord God my home.
God, I'm telling the world what you do!

The author David is frustrated with what's happening around him. He knows God is good and God loves people, but he missed the goodness of God because of all the injustice in the world. Is God sleeping? If not, why does God turn a deaf ear to the people who are truly in need but give prosperous life to those wicked people?

But David changed his perception and gained new insights after “entering the sanctuary of God”. He knows God has his plan for every one of us, and he will not dump those who love him. God knows all the injustice happening here, and he will handle it one day.

What have I learned after entering the sanctuary of God? I think the crux to stop my frustration is to appreciate and stop comparing myself with other people. Yes, some people seems to be very talented who can coordinate things well and be a good leader, and some people are richer than me. I would be in financial trouble if I lose my job, while some people does not need to do anything for a living.

But I do appreciate what I have and what God has given me. God has a plan for every one of us, and he treasures each one of us. God provides us what we need.

Lets take a look at Matthew 6:26 (again, from the Message)

Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.

Yes, I am not making much money and I don't have much savings after paying my rent, family and church, but the provision of God is abundance. Yes, sometimes I face difficult situations at work and I got worried about many things, but God gives me peace because I know he will lead me through the challenge.

Having said that, I don't mean God will take away all our problems. People still get sick and die, but God gives us peace to face difficult times.

Monday, October 24, 2011

祈禱的作用

我在去年10月就非常確定自己想換工作了。當時我只知道現在工作地方的主管的名字和電話,而在那機構工作的人,我一個也不認識,我也不知道那機構是不是在請人。但當時的我實在是很想換工作,所以就把簡歷投給那個主管,並打電話給他約時間見面。
面試當天,一進入他辦公室,他便說:『你在中國的採訪經驗非常少。假如我現在雇傭你,你能如何幫我呢?』當時我呆了,這個人一針見血的點出我在中國工作的 最大問題。我在上一個工作機構做編輯,天天都是看稿做版,沒有寫過東西,更沒有採訪過什麼人,連最簡單的電話採訪也沒有。我從香港到北京,只是把居住的地 方搬了,但工作方式和生活沒有變,轉變環境的意義不大。
面試以後,那個主管沒有聯繫我,也沒有回我以後發他的電郵。當時我祈禱,向神說我想換工作,心中也認定,如果找不到新工作,多待半年或一年就回香港。
去年的10月國慶日回港,更約了一些人,找找在香港工作的機會。但很奇怪的是,我在深圳黃崗過關去香港時,竟然想起北京。
國慶假回到北京後,我也繼續的求神為我的工作安排,向祂說:『我挺想留在北京。』當然,如果祂想我回香港,那就回香港。與此同時,我覺得我要做一些實際的行動,改變一下工作的困局,開始做一些採訪的工作和寫稿,讓我的CV好看一點。
直到今年二月,在我回香港過年的前兩天,那個主管找我,說他們有空缺,問我有沒有興趣,叫我開聘用條件以及補交一些檔。我按他說的做了,但等了三個禮拜,音訊全無,我心裏非常著急。
同一時間,我知道在香港是有適合我的職位空缺,而工資也是比較高的。我心裏很猶豫,是不是應該申請香港的空缺。這又是一輪的祈禱。到最後,得到的答案是,我應該留在北京,神有祂的安排。我就決定不申請在香港的空缺,結果就成為駐北京記者了。

老實說,我到現在也不完全清楚神對我的安排,也不知道祂在我身上會成就什麼事情。我所知道的,就是要順服和依靠祂。
這個經歷告訴我,在依靠的過程中,祈禱是很重要的。雖然說神在每個人身上有祂的安排,神是喜歡人向祂說話的,聖經也指出人是可以向神說自己的所思所想,甚 至提出疑問。禱告讓我知道我應該怎麼做。我相信,如果沒有禱告,我可能會一直猶豫要不要申請香港的空缺,甚至可能已經投簡歷了,而不知道留在北京是最好的 選擇。
到新公司後幾天,與一位在香港總部的同事聊天,他說,無論在什麼地方,生活不應該只是為自己的理想和幸福努力。在工作的地方,專注自己的成就與工作外,還要多做其他的事情。
什麼是其他的事情,我不完全知道,我還是在摸索當中,而這個摸索的過程,好像有點慢。我希望可以在摸索的過程中多走幾步,看清出一點。希望以後可以在這裏多說一點。

Monday, October 03, 2011

迎來送往

舊同事鳳凰大約三星期前從香港到北京工作。忙於找房子買傢俱,我下班或放假時也去幫忙一下。
我跟鳳凰在大學時認識,我們念同一個主修科,但我早一年畢業。畢業後的幾年從來沒聯繫過,直到幾年前我們進同一家公司工作才又遇上。兩年多前,她換工作,我後來也來了北京工作。我回香港,或是她來北京玩的時候,我們有碰過面。
同一時間,有幾個在北京的朋友要走了,要回香港或其他地方工作去。當中有一個,是我在香港時共事過的,她比我早大約半年到北京,也算是介紹了我在北京的第一份工作吧。我們兩個也想換換環境。不同的是,她去另一個城市工作,而我在北京找新工作。
在教會的兩個朋友也要離開北京了。我在北京教會的生活是很歡樂的,這一家教會給我不少的支持。人家走,雖然說科技縮短了人與人間的距離,今後還是可以透過不同的方法聯繫,還是有點不舍的。
大抵大家都是因為工作的原因來北京,感覺就好像是旅遊人,來北京後,遇上各樣的事情,有讓人窩心的(窩心在南方的意思是心裏很舒服),有很讓人挫敗的,有讓人很喜歡北京的,也有讓人想馬上離開的。有的人可能會在這裏一直住下去,但更多的人會因為家庭和工作等原因而離開,關鍵是你會待在北京多長時間。
我想起龍應台曾經說過的一句話。她在“親愛的安德列”一書的講座中,談到她與兒子常常分開兩地的感受,她說人與人之間的相處是有quota的,這個quota會有用盡的一天。
這麼說好像很悲哀。其實不是。聖經傳道書3章1節這麼說:“凡事都有定期,天下萬務都有定時。”因此,聚散也有時。
而傳道書3章11-14節 也說:“神造萬物,各按其時成為美好。又將永生安置在世人心裏。(永生原文作永遠)然而神從始至終的作為,人不能參透。我知道世人,莫強如終身喜樂行善。 並且人人吃喝,在他一切勞碌中享福。這也是神的恩賜。我知道神一切所作的,都必永存,無所增添,無所減少。神這樣行,是要人在他面前存敬畏的心。”
人的聚散,在神眼中,是美好的,人喜樂行善和吃喝,也是神的恩賜。既然神安排了我們在同一個時空和地點相遇,就好好珍惜。
我,到現在為止,還是想留在北京的。

無聊的過國慶日

我很久沒有更新過這個博客了。自從兩年前來北京後,就沒有怎麼更新過。一來因為懶,也覺得沒什麼好寫。二來是不太想在這談工作的事情。三來是微博可以讓人時時刻刻的在140個字內發表林林總總的東西,用不了寫長長的博客文章。
不過既然自己在幾年前開了這個平臺,也就不太像放棄它。我想,還是有東西是值得記下來的。
就說說過去兩天做過的事情吧。
星期六,是大陸一連七天的國慶日假期的開始。去年的國慶日,我都回香港了。但今年我選擇留在北京,因為我上個月已放假回香港了。
星期六下午跟十來個人去了藝術區798逛了一個小時左右,然後去一個朋友家吃韓國菜及玩桌遊(即card game)。朋友住望京,也就是韓國人比較集中的地方,這個地方的韓國菜特別好吃。
星期天早上去教會。後跟強及人瑞無無聊聊的在三裏屯吃飯以及逛。國慶日的北京,除了旅遊點外,其他地方也沒什麼人(很多在北京的人也去其他城市旅遊或回家了),路也不堵,更是非常暢通。而且,北京的空氣污染指數從前幾天的400多下跌到昨天的100以內,空氣也特別的好。
午飯後,去了南鑼鼓巷的一家咖啡店聊了兩個小時,再去吃了一頓日本菜及雪糕,就回家了。
就這樣很無聊但舒服的過了一天。

Saturday, August 20, 2011

請支持記者工作

大約300名記者今天遊行,表達對香港警方在副總理李克強訪港期間,嚴重干預記者的採訪工作的不滿。

你可能覺得300人不多,每年七一遊行和六四集會最少也有幾萬人參加,幾十人到幾百人的遊行,差不多每個星期都有,300個記者的訴求,與你有什麼關係。

讓我先說一下,要組織記者參加遊行不是容易的事。記者工作時間不穩定,不是朝九晚六,更不是週未週日休假,基本上差不多一天24小時都有記者在工作,除非事態嚴重,要找300個記者在同一時間同一地點出現,根本是mission impossible。

李克強來香港派大禮,理應開心才對,為什麼記者要遊行?

作為記者,我是十分理解在政要訪港期間,警方要作出合理的保安安排。幾年前,我做習近平訪港,當天他探訪一家庭,由於場地所限以及保安要求,人家的房子根本容不下幾十個記者,因此記者不一定可以親眼看到習近平探訪的情況。但記者可以在屋苑外等候,看見習近平步入屋苑,而且,在他離開後,並在屋主同意的情況下,訪問屋主。

最近的李克強訪港的保安安排,除了倒退兩個字,我實在想不到可以如何形容。副總理訪問社區中心,記者只可在大馬路對岸行人路上守候,突然有黑衣人在沒有表明身份的情況下要檢查記者的卡片及錢包,黑衣人好像擔心有生化襲擊般,連記者的的士單也要檢查。其後更加叫來大貨車,把攝像鏡頭擋住。

在麗港城,住客因為穿上印有平反六四的T恤,就被警方抬走。我想問,香港法例第幾章第幾條寫明穿「平反六四」T恤是犯法?為什麼在副總理探訪期間穿這件T恤就要被你抬走?穿什麼衣服不是個人的自由嗎?難道我在當天要穿上一件「我愛祖國」的T恤?

在香港大學,副總理出席百年典禮,理應是喜氣洋洋的事情。但為什麼當學生在與慶典會場有幾座建築物距離的地方示威時,一大堆警察要把他們推入房間,並且把門關上。大學,不是一個可以容讓多種意見表達方式的地方嗎?只要我沒對你構成危險或誹謗,我就可以表達我的意見。你可以不認同我的示威訴求,但你不可以把我封口消音。

更令人憤怒的是,偉大的特區政府似乎無視記者的不滿。政務司司長唐英年竟然對記者說;「I think that is completely rubbish that we have violated civil rights, nor have we violated freedom of speech, because every single activity of the Vice-Premier has been covered by the media」

記者理性表達意見,卻換來你的一句「垃圾」侮辱性回應,我怎能不憤怒。

唐司長說,副總理的行程,大部份都有傳媒報導。大家可知道,大部份在電視上看到的片段,都是由政府新聞處統一發放。

這種安排及對採訪以及言論自由的干預,不單單影響記者,也影響你。試想想,如果所有的報導都由政府新聞處統一發放,那根本就是一言堂,所有報導最後都只會從同一角落出發;歌功頌德,隱惡揚善。對當權者不利的,一律不報。

這兩年,我在內地工作,跟一些內地人談到香港的情況時,他們常常問到為什麼香港人要示威,說是不是香港人太偏激了,說內地政府比香港政府糟糕多倍,畢竟香港政府如何再糟糕,也派6000元。

我想,我作為香港人,我所感到驕傲的,主要不是香港人有錢﹝內地人比香港人更有錢﹞,也不是在香港可以買到iPad等最新產品,是香港的制度,講法治,少貪污,尊重自由與個人權利。我可以年年參加七一遊行六四紀念集會,也可以參加及組織國慶活動。在寫新聞報導時,可以把批評與質疑的聲音表達出來,而不用擔心所效力的機構在翌日會否被官方整頓停刊。

我要有權選特首。這個願望,恐怕是永遠達不到的了。民主願望落空,就連我穿衣服與採訪的自由也被剝奪時,怎能不叫我對香港失望。

不要以為過去幾天所發生的事,只跟記者有關。我相信,如果現在不關注的話,這只是當權者對市民加強控制的第一步,是第一步而已。如果我們現在不抗衡,對權力的監察機制只會日漸崩潰,貪污腐敗便由此而起,到時,無人可以制約當權者。

我現在還可在這裡寫這篇文,我不希望香港會倒退到1984的世界。

Thursday, July 21, 2011

立法會

現時在中環京遮打花園的立法會快要搬了。很多記者行家在它搬前去緬懷一番,拍照留念。

看到眾行家在facebook的照片,我也很想去立法會懷舊一下,但可惜我人在外地。

立法會真的有很多議員及記者的集體回憶。

隨便想想,我就記起因為要審議校本管理條例,我要連續三天,每天十小時在立法會工作。

政府要削減大學撥款,有議員反對,與政府官員唇槍舌劍。

截取通訊條例,允許執法機關以查案及安全為由,向法庭申請截取個人通訊,有議員擔心市民私隱會被侵犯,提出多項修訂,再與政府官員及親政府派唇槍舌劍。

無論議員怎麼反對也好,政府條例最後也照樣通過。因為立法會的組成及投票機制,使它成為一個橡皮圖章。不過,即使最後反對無效,仍要繼續反對,明知不可為而為之,以表明社會上仍有反對聲音,不可以當權者有恃無恐。

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Universal Studios Singapore

If it was not for my friends CW and WLee, I would not have gone to Singapore. I have been to this city state three years ago.
Our main goal is the Universal Studios Singapore. Entrance fees is expensive, at S$72 (S$1=HK$6.2). And we don't have a master card, and so we cannot enjoy the 20 percent discount.
The roller coaster in Sci-Fi city really kills people. I feel dizzy after the rides.
And be prepared to get wet, possibly soaked, for the Rapid Adventure in Jurassic Park, and the Water World performance.


At the entrance of Universal Studios Singapore


These two rides really kill me.


A castle.


This performer only wants to show his muscle, I guess.


The Water World performance. Worth seeing

Next: Melaka

Lovely KL

Gone for a short trip to Malaysia over the past few days before starting my new challenge.
My general impression of the Malaysian capital, Kuala Lumpur -- affectionately known as KL -- is good even the weather is so hot that I feel dizzy and despite the unexpected heavy rains. People are hospitable, which is reflected by their willingness to help me with directions. A street vendor, having seen me walking pass his booth for a few times looking perplexed, asked if I would buy any drinks. And after I said "No," he asked what was I looking for and told me the museum I wanted to visit was moved.
And again, Thanks Teoh for treating me my first Malaysian dinner in Lot 10 Hutong. I cannot try the most traditional Malay food, such as Laksa and Nasi Lemak, due to poor stomach, but still my first Malay meal is enjoyable as expected.
The depreciation of US and HK dollars is really a big problem. One Malaysian Ringgit equals to HK$2.5, compared with just HK$2 when I went to Sarawak a few years ago. And one Singapore dollar equals to HK$6.2 now, compared with just HK$5 three years ago. Everything outside HK is expensive, and no wonder tourists from mainland and other overseas countries come to HK for shopping.

Highlights of KL:
1) Sultan Abdul Samad Building, 2) Masjid Negara, 3) Islamic Art Museum, 4) Old KL train station

1) Sultan Abdul Samad Building
I guess the temperature was more than 31C when I went there and I was wondering if I should go to some places with indoor air-conditioning even though the building is spectacular. The building, including a 40-meter high clock tower, is KL's major landmark and serves as the backdrop for important events. It was designed by AC Norman and constructed to house government departments during the British administration. It now houses the Ministry of Information, Communications and Culture of Malaysia. Visiting inside the building is not allowed, but tourists could get information leaflet and post cards for free at the reception.



2) Masjid Negara (National Mosque)
I am very interested in mosques and I do want to know more about Muslims even though I am a Christian. Non-muslim is not allowed to enter the mosque during prayer time, and even if they can go inside, the praying hall is still strictly for Muslims only. But it is wrong to think that Muslims do not like to interact and share what they believe with others. Staff at the mosque -- one of them from Beijing -- will stand by in front of the praying hall to answer all sorts of questions relating to Islam, like the importance of going to Mecca, why they need to pray five times a day and the meaning of religious rituals. This mosque, which houses 15,000 people, is still not the largest in Malaysia. There is minaret, but no dome. It is worth spending some time there.


Masjid Negara


Prayer time. This is the real Arabic numbers!


Masjid Negara


Praying hall in Masjid Negara, strictly for Muslims only. I almost trespassed, and a lady shouted, "NO!"

And the other mosque, Masjid Jamek, is also impressive.



3) Islamic Art Museum
Only been there for like an hour because I do not have enough time. This museum is very good. It has models of different mosques in different architectural style around the world.

4) Old KL train station
This station opened in 1911 to receive trains from Butterworth and Singapore. It looks impressive, even though it is now only used for commuter trains and dilapidated. Worth sitting on the bench imaging its glorious past.

Monday, January 03, 2011

你父在暗中察看

在此,也向司徒華致意。

這是司徒華在2008年6月1日善樂堂教會的講道內容。

【你父在暗中察看】
經文︰ 《馬太福音》 6︰5-8
數年前,屯門信義中學舉行暑期退修會,他們邀請我在當中分享。之後,有一位教師問我︰「司徒先生,為甚麼你要做一個低調的基督徒呢?」我當時回答他︰「基督徒只有虔誠與不虔誠,並沒有高低調之分的!」我想他認為我很少談及自己是一位基督徒,我說話很少引用《聖經》,我更沒有在教會工作,所以他就說我低調。我覺得做基督徒,要向神負責,也要向自己負責。

《聖經》中的金句,並不是讓我們去引用,是讓我們信奉的。每一個人,都有自己的工作崗位,去做最能夠服務社會的事,並不一定要在教會工作。我的崗位就是教育、團體、支持公義、爭取民主。教會的工作並不是我所長。有一句話「榮神益人」,意思是榮耀神,做於他人有益的事。

我覺得你只要做了對人有益的事,可能初時人們不知道你是基督徒,卻因為你作的事而認得你是基督徒的身份,這已經榮耀了神。假如,只有口頭上讚揚神,沒有做於他人有益的事,相反做一些有害的事,卻常常宣稱自己是基督徒,這並不是榮神,而是辱神,沾污了神的名字。

前年,我訪問美、加,在溫哥華的一次講話當中,完結的時候,有人問我︰「你是否每天都祈禱呢?」我回答他︰「不是,我只是偶然祈禱的。每天祈禱,會否太搔擾上帝呢?上帝會否感到煩悶呢?」求神不如求己,有些事情只要你努力就可以實現的,又何必求神呢?如果自己不努力,只是懂得祈禱,我相信上帝不會這樣去眷愛你,賜福給你,祂只會覺得你不長進。

我剛剛說,我只是偶然祈禱,我祈禱的事情通常都是自己做不到的事情!我曾經為患有絕症的朋友祈禱,我亦曾經為「六四」晚會的天氣祈禱,我也曾為最近「四川大地震」被活埋的人祈禱。我的祈禱,也不一定靈驗的,很多時候是沒有靈驗的,例如剛剛說的朋友,他結果也離世。我的祈禱沒有靈驗,好像上帝並沒有聽我們說話,我對此怎樣理解呢?

我相信大家都曾經遇到這個情況,但我相信上帝是全能的,祂所作的安排,一定是最好的,有祂的用意在內。雖然,我的祈禱沒有靈驗,我相信是有其他的原因,上帝的安排用意,我一時不能猜透,但我相信是最好的,日後一定能見證的。

兩個月前,我在一所中學演講,內容是我在青少年時所遇到的困難,而怎樣在困難當中自己去成長。當時一位教師問我︰「你是否得到上帝的賜福呢?」我回答︰「是!但他賜給我不是一個好的命運!」否則,我不會在青少年的時候遇到這麼多困難,祂賜給我的是一個頑強堅定的性格,一個勤於自省的頭腦,我是憑藉這些性格去成長的。祂並不是賜給我甚麼福氣和幸運,祂賜給我的是精神力量。我已經過了七十七歲的生日,現在精神和體力總算不錯。這是否神的恩賜呢?我認為是的!我認為神不是賜給我有一個好的健康,而賜給我懂得愛護自己的心,我每天都游水,我心境開朗,這都是神叫我去做的,如果我沒有去做,神又怎賜福給我呢?

剛才讀到的經文當中,是我建議今天一起頌讀的,經文中提到︰「你們禱告的時候,不可像那假冒為善的人,愛站在會堂裡和十字路口上禱告,故意叫人看見……你禱告的時候,要進你的內屋,關上門,禱告你在暗中的父。」(太6︰5-6)我的領會就是做一位基督徒,不是要叫人知道的,是要向自己和神負責。

「你們禱告,不可像外邦人,用許多重複話,他們以為話多了必蒙垂聽。」(太6︰7)剛才我說過,上帝會覺得我們嘮叨,自己能做到的事就去做,自己懂得的道理就要貫徹,不做不貫徹就算有千言萬語的禱告又有何用呢?

「因為你們沒有祈求以先,你們所需用的,你們的父早已知道了。」(太6︰8)並不需要說的,因為你在祈求以先,上帝已經知道了,祂已經早為我們安排。

「你父在暗中察看,必然報答你」(太6︰6)人在做,上帝在看,並不在於千言萬語的祈求,是在於你自己向神負責和向自己負責。

The year of 2010

Thanks God. The year of 2010 is prosperous for me.

I have experienced failure, but on the other hand, I have learned more about my weaknesses and am motivated to remedy them.

I felt bored and frustrated living in a far away city alone, but I have made some friends here.

Good or bad. I hope I can make progress in 2011.

Works will be frustrating from time to time, and I have to focus on what I want to do.

P.S How do I spend my New Year's Eve and the New Year?
1) Eat with three colleagues, and discuss important current affairs of the country first. Then go to the home of HK friends, TL and SL, to play board games and count down.
2) Lunch with a group of university students on January, and have a vegeraterian dinner with some friends on Jan 1.
3) Church, plus board games at TL and SL's home.