「柄」埋一邊

這幾天，我在MSN仍舊跟人談話說笑。但不想跟熟識的人有任何面對面接觸。友在MSN說他抱歉沒有致電我，我說不打緊，因為我這幾天想獨處。

我照常上班，也照上出席語文課，但其他時間，用廣東話說，就是把自己「柄」埋一邊。原因不知為何。

我的思緒介乎想與不想之間，有一點點累，但沒有大哭，情緒亦末跌至最低谷。

今天，途經了添記唱片店，再去石硤尾去碼頭拿船票，但到碼頭才發現忘記了帶訂票發票。

之後，去一架咖啡店，想溫習語文，但太多人太吵了，回家去。

回家後，竟然去附近的店舖買了一個書櫃，執拾那凌亂的房間。

致電姨，她說她很累，沒有精神。

我說我會在喪事後多留澳兩天，她說即使在喪事後立即回港也沒有什麼問題。倘若太多人留下，她反而沒有精神。

她可能也想把自己「柄」埋一邊。其實，過去十多年，姨負起了大部份照顧外婆的責任，也真夠累。

我想我也會多留兩天，走一走。

A sad day

Changeling, The Class and Milk are the movies I am interested in, and I have planned to see one of them with friends tonight.
A phone call in the early morning completely changed everything. My aunt in Macau called me in the morning, when I was about to leave home to report on a court hearing. I had bad feeling before picking up the phone. It is unusual for her to make a call in early morning. Her message is short but tearful. “Grandmother has just passed away in the elderly home peacefully after eating breakfast.”
My grandmother was weak when she was still in hospital on Sunday, but her condition remained stable that time. She was discharged and sent back to the elderly home, which service is good I believe. I had already anticipated that my grandmother, a woman of 86, would leave us when I received another phone call from my aunt during the Chinese New Year holiday that her cardiovascular function had suddenly deteriorated. What I had not anticipated was that she would be gone only days after leaving the hospital.
Inside the MTR to the court, I kept sending SMS to close friends about this undesirable news.

I want to be alone today, and maybe the following few days, keeping my mind in peace, and perhaps letting my mind be flashed back to the days when I was a kid.

I was born in Hong Kong, but I spent my first few years in Macau before starting my kindergarten education. I would go to Macau whenever there was long vacation, such as summer and Christmas holidays, until secondary two because of various reasons, including a family dispute. I was almost disconnected from her and Macau, except paying a visit in Chinese New Year, until I started my university education, when I had more free time to go to places I like.

I want to, and I need to, jot down how I spent my time in Macau for fearing that I might forget them some day when I get old. My grandfather, died during Chinese New Year more than two decades ago, was a nice man who loved his grandchild. I always begged him to buy toys and even bicycles for me, time after time. He really did that on some occasions. When he decided not to buy the gifts I wanted for not spoiling me, he would not let me down. Instead of just saying a plain “No”, he would pick up a box of matches and give the matches to me one by one. “One match is one dollar. I don't have enough matches for you to buy that.”

My grandmother spent most of her time with me whenever I was in Macau. She would prepare nice food. And as I am the youngest son of my mother, she devoted most of her attention to me. She was almost always on my side when I was in dispute with my brother and sister. I always went to Yum Cha with my aunt and her. She also took me to do morning exercise.

Some major changes happened to her over the past two decades. The family dispute I have mentioned before pushed her to be almost disconnected from one of her sons until recent years. Her other son is addicted to gambling and freed to other country. My aunt is the only person taking care of her.

She could not go to the community center, once her favorite pastime, after a leg injury. My aunt, as an educator, was busy with her school and could not spend too much time taking care of my grandmother who lives alone. My aunt hired several domestic helpers. All of the maids left because my grandmother was not an easy going person for strangers. Luckily, my aunt had arranged a good elderly home for her two years ago, and she seemed happy living there and chatting with roommates.

As a traditional woman, she always wanted her grandsons to get marry. “My birthday wish is that you get married and have a family soon,” she said in her birthday feast few years ago.

She suffered from another leg injury after falling down in last December. Conditions had been deteriorating since then. She was weak and reluctant to speak and move. But she would still smile when seeing me and my siblings.

It is really a sad day. Still, I truly believe that I cannot ask for more as 86 is long enough for a funeral to be called a “laughing funeral” 笑喪. I should be grateful that she left us peacefully without pain.

Thanks to my friends who sent me back encouraging message. Although I want to be alone today, the message really means so much to me.

被屈，憤怒到極點

昨天去澳門探外婆。
在等候船隻的時間，發生一件令我憤怒的事。
船程延誤一小時，很無聊，於是我在候船期間看書及用手機上網。怎料在上網期間，坐在我對面的人突然去到我身後看我做什麼，之後私下說了一句：「扮晒野」，便走回座位，與女朋友私下談話。
他倆談話的內容，我聽得十分清楚，主要是男的說話，他很明顯是想我聽到他說什麼。從他說話的內容，我得知他們應該誤會了我偷拍了他們。他的說話極具侮辱性，包括「電車男/咸濕佬在偷拍」。並把iPhone對住我。
因為他們一直都沒有跟我對質，也沒有報警，所以我也沒有理會他們。怎料在上船前，那個男的突然向我說一句：「請你上youtube看。」
我當時有點火了。我向他解釋我沒有拍照，只是用手機上網。他不信。我跟他說報警。他竟然說：「現在隔了這麼長的時間，你已經刪除了相關相片了。你現在才建議報警及檢查手機。有沒有搞錯？」他說話的語氣，當然不好。
他還說：「你是不是想打架？」
我心想，你們一直沒有向我質問，我又何需主動地把手機給你檢查。而且，若你懷疑我偷拍，那麼你應該一早向我對質及找警員處理。但你沒有叫警方查明事又不跟我對質，就說我已偷拍並銷毀證據，完全是自己的假設。無證據，還在含血噴人。
我之後堅持向他說：「你剛才說你拍了我，我現在要報警你偷拍了我。」他可能想不到我會反告他，只拋下一句：「你行開。」便登船。
我有向船公司職員反映我想報警，但職員說船快開，而他們也不懂怎處理我的要求。
加上如果我不登船，我今天應該不能去澳門探外婆，所以我放棄了報警。
如果我只是去澳門玩，我應該會報警。我覺得，對這些人，再跟他解釋是沒有用，最好由警方處理。

SOLER

晚上看勁歌金曲，聽SOLER唱歌，包括陳年作品風的季節，不錯。
SOLER也就是由兩位混血兒組成的樂隊，咀香園廣告的主角。


Find more music like this on Solerworld

上海即興之旅/ 回歸城市 (第五天，2009年1月31日，年初六)

中午回到城市。
這幾天，去了兩個古鎮，一天市內遊，天天行很多路，加上去古鎮的車程要一至兩小時，又要晨早起床，感覺好像穿越了幾個時空，出了門很久。
上海近年變化大。來上海，除了傳統景點外，一定要去新地方。
早幾天已去新天地，今天趁坐回程飛機前去了M50創意園﹝莫干山路50號﹞。創意園是把棄置的大廈租給藝術工作者。今天看到的全部是視覺藝術，包括油畫及攝影等。
還有一個盧灣區想去，裡面有創意市集，可惜時間不夠。
飛機晚上十一時半到深圳，機場外混亂一片。想坐巴士的人不排隊，令人差點上不到車。更有小偷出現，幾個公安突然跑出來執法。
上海的秩序好像比較好。

上海市內遊的相片請Click。

上海即興之旅/ 古鎮遊 (第三及四天，2009年1月29及30日，年初四及五)

這兩天遠離城市，遊古鎮。
第三天去朱家角一天。朱家角是江南水鄉，位於上海市，在市中心坐一小時車左右到。
買了景區聯票，連交通費及數個博物館入場費，要85元人民幣。應該要逃票。
但景區內的大清郵局其實是值得參觀。商代及宋代傳遞密信的方式有趣及感人。
吃了出名的阿婆粽。真的很好吃。那些粽的質感與香港的十分不同。
討厭的是，回程旅遊巴在下午4時45分開出，我們被迫趕行程，沒有什麼閒暇時間。早知不買旅遊巴票，自行坐公車去好了。
晚上回市中心，到光明村大酒家晚膳。3個人點了幾道菜，包括蟹粉飽、菜、魚及冷盆等，人均消費才30元人民幣左右。之後去紹興路的一間咖啡店。
這幾天吃的很多。早餐不少得，午餐亦要盡量吃地道菜，下午吃小食，晚餐更豐富。體重增加了。

第四天去西塘。
昨晚凌晨二時才睡，今早七時起床，先坐一小時火車去嘉善，才轉半小時小貨車去西塘。
貨車老闆成功地游說了我們每人多付20元人民幣，讓她安排當地人帶我們入境區逃票，節省每人110元人民幣的景區聯票。
後來發覺，景區內有11個館，友人對部份館有興趣，但礙於我們已逃票，而且在下午時份花110元買票實在不值，還是放棄參觀這些館。
我覺得，那些館未必好看，但景區內根本沒有人檢查門票，遊客根本不需要付錢當地人安排入境區逃票，而可自行入景區。
這幾天，不繼的走路，累得很，腿好像不是自己的。
今天在古鎮閒逛一輪後，回旅舍小睡片刻。
吃了新疆維吾爾族人的烤羊肉串，好吃得很，令我想起4年前的新疆之旅。
在錢塘人家吃晚飯，又是很好吃。
住臨河旅舍，晚上在河邊點煙花及放燈船，很有詩意。
西塘比朱家角美，我相信，其商業化的程度比起內地其他古鎮﹝如周庄﹞輕得多。這是一個幾寫意的地方。

上海古鎮遊照片請Click。

上海即興之旅/ 第二天(2009年1月28日，星期三，年初三)

JJCrab、Alice及Tiff昨晚從杭州過來。
是日在上海市內一天遊。
先去豫園及城皇廟。八年前都去過了，今次再去，沒有發現什麼大分別。吃了寧波湯圓及蟹粉小籠飽。小籠飽25元人民幣5個，明顯是遊客區價錢。
晚上重遊黃浦江，又是瘋狂地拍照。友問黃浦江與香港維港那個景色較美，答案是黃浦江。
上海人，很時尚。特別是年青人，比深圳廣州的人打扮入時，沒有老土味道。有說上海人很注重外表，即使要節省吃的，也要來個光鮮的打扮。
他們的口氣大。在火車上聽見一位上海人對旅行社職員說他有的是錢，但不知如何花。
跟其他大陸城市一樣，上海人坐地鐵不排隊，也不會先讓車上搭客下車。
但當你問路時，他們又很友善地為你指方向。

上海市遊相片請Click。

上海即興之旅/ 第一天(2009年1月27日，星期二，年初二)

這次的旅程，純粹即興，事情沒有準備，也沒有搜集資料。
下午十二時三十分在深圳機場坐深圳航空客機到上海。飛機餐是一盒很難吃的水餃。
到上海第一件事，就是找好東西吃。下午茶吃了蘭州拉麵。
上海物價騰貴。坐一程地鐵最少要三元人民幣。晚上去夏麵館吃了兩碗麵及一碟排骨，埋單116元人民幣。食物好吃，但價錢實在太貴，人民幣又在升值，吃一餐真的不便宜。
之後去新天地的一間酒吧飲了一枝啤酒，要人民幣68元，貴我要命。
是日在靜安樂途國際青年旅舍住宿。

上海市遊相片請Click。

外婆病了

年初二至年初六在上海過。
八十六歲的外婆早前跌傷入院，要做手術，並在醫院過年。年初一跟她通電話，她聲音虛弱，又因為同房的其他病人常大吵大鬧，影響睡眠素質，但情況也穩定。
怎料年初三姨致電，說外婆情況急轉直下，發熱及患上肺炎，姨又要簽緊急紙。雖說我不用即時赴澳探望，但也非常擔心。
星期六回港，星期日即去澳門探望。她情況已相對穩定，樣貌精神。昨天跟她通電話，雖然我還聽不清她說什麼，但聲音總算比較大。
願她早點康復。