A sad day

Changeling, The Class and Milk are the movies I am interested in, and I have planned to see one of them with friends tonight.
A phone call in the early morning completely changed everything. My aunt in Macau called me in the morning, when I was about to leave home to report on a court hearing. I had bad feeling before picking up the phone. It is unusual for her to make a call in early morning. Her message is short but tearful. “Grandmother has just passed away in the elderly home peacefully after eating breakfast.”
My grandmother was weak when she was still in hospital on Sunday, but her condition remained stable that time. She was discharged and sent back to the elderly home, which service is good I believe. I had already anticipated that my grandmother, a woman of 86, would leave us when I received another phone call from my aunt during the Chinese New Year holiday that her cardiovascular function had suddenly deteriorated. What I had not anticipated was that she would be gone only days after leaving the hospital.
Inside the MTR to the court, I kept sending SMS to close friends about this undesirable news.

I want to be alone today, and maybe the following few days, keeping my mind in peace, and perhaps letting my mind be flashed back to the days when I was a kid.

I was born in Hong Kong, but I spent my first few years in Macau before starting my kindergarten education. I would go to Macau whenever there was long vacation, such as summer and Christmas holidays, until secondary two because of various reasons, including a family dispute. I was almost disconnected from her and Macau, except paying a visit in Chinese New Year, until I started my university education, when I had more free time to go to places I like.

I want to, and I need to, jot down how I spent my time in Macau for fearing that I might forget them some day when I get old. My grandfather, died during Chinese New Year more than two decades ago, was a nice man who loved his grandchild. I always begged him to buy toys and even bicycles for me, time after time. He really did that on some occasions. When he decided not to buy the gifts I wanted for not spoiling me, he would not let me down. Instead of just saying a plain “No”, he would pick up a box of matches and give the matches to me one by one. “One match is one dollar. I don't have enough matches for you to buy that.”

My grandmother spent most of her time with me whenever I was in Macau. She would prepare nice food. And as I am the youngest son of my mother, she devoted most of her attention to me. She was almost always on my side when I was in dispute with my brother and sister. I always went to Yum Cha with my aunt and her. She also took me to do morning exercise.

Some major changes happened to her over the past two decades. The family dispute I have mentioned before pushed her to be almost disconnected from one of her sons until recent years. Her other son is addicted to gambling and freed to other country. My aunt is the only person taking care of her.

She could not go to the community center, once her favorite pastime, after a leg injury. My aunt, as an educator, was busy with her school and could not spend too much time taking care of my grandmother who lives alone. My aunt hired several domestic helpers. All of the maids left because my grandmother was not an easy going person for strangers. Luckily, my aunt had arranged a good elderly home for her two years ago, and she seemed happy living there and chatting with roommates.

As a traditional woman, she always wanted her grandsons to get marry. “My birthday wish is that you get married and have a family soon,” she said in her birthday feast few years ago.

She suffered from another leg injury after falling down in last December. Conditions had been deteriorating since then. She was weak and reluctant to speak and move. But she would still smile when seeing me and my siblings.

It is really a sad day. Still, I truly believe that I cannot ask for more as 86 is long enough for a funeral to be called a “laughing funeral” 笑喪. I should be grateful that she left us peacefully without pain.

Thanks to my friends who sent me back encouraging message. Although I want to be alone today, the message really means so much to me.