Moody

I had my whole day planned today, but all things got postponed because of the rain. Will anyone expect such a rain in Hong Kong during winter.

I originally planned to go jogging with my mother who got cancer and sister in the morning, before getting back home to receive a social worker who would help me on dealing with my dementia father. And in the afternoon, I planned to go to the market to buy stuff for making sweet and sour pork.

I thought my weekend would be a delighted one, but the unexpected rain killed me.

I hate that rain, I really hate it. It made me got no mood to do anything, but sitting in front of this computer.

The rain, combined with the following factors, is depressing -

1. The oncology doctor said my mother is not suitable for using a more advanced drug that has less side effect, and that my mother is only suitable for the undesirable chemotherapy. But the doctor has reservation about having my mother receiving chemotherapy because of the side effect, and because the tumors have already been spread from lung to brain. The chemotherapy may extend life for one or two months.
2. My dementia father shitted a mess.

I have already expected the conditions of my parents will deteriorate. But when it comes, it is not easy to bear. And the rain has triggered all my negative thoughts.

Sometimes I am confused, I am confused that if it would be better for my parents to enter into advanced stage of their illness sooner because there is no cure for them under existing medical knowledge. Sooner or later, they will go into that advanced stage, so isn't it better if we could shorten this period so both of us suffer less pain.

I don't know the answer.